The last time I sent one of these was on the 22nd March last year. At that point I’d been home for a week, preemptively removing myself from the office ahead of the first national lockdown here in the UK. I obviously didn’t know then what I know now; that 2020 would be considerably harder than I could have ever predicted, that it would test my patience, my mind, the very fibre of my being in more ways than I’d like; that I’d spend almost all of those nine months sat working upstairs at my desk in our spare bedroom; that I’d listen to the Beastie Boys 2087 times, clinging to those drum beats and samples like a hyper-fixated float in a sea of global chaos.
2021 has sat on the horizon for all of us like a light at the end of an endlessly dark tunnel; the flashy prospect of turning the page on the horrors of 2020 even though really nothing has changed, or will change for some time. It’s now mid-February and still every morning feels like waking up on Groundhog Day.
Disappointingly, I found no joy in traditional end of year retrospectives, both reading or attempting to together my own. Making lists of all kinds kept me preoccupied throughout the strangeness of last year, but the usual excitement I have for laying out my own personal top tens has disappeared.
After four(!) erratic years, this newsletter has finally reached the dizzying heights of twenty editions and as a quasi-celebration, I’ve decided to share 20 for 2020: twenty things I read, watched, listened to or found pleasure in last year. Not much here is revolutionary: some are new, some are old, but all were little pockets of happiness in an otherwise strange year. If you are desperate to know what my full-ranked best-of-2020 lists are then you can listen to the podcast I co-host (the thirst, our year in review episode is here, and we’re on twitter: www.twitter.com/thethirst), or you can follow me on letterboxd (here ; my best of 2020 is here).
I haven’t carved out fully how this will work going forward but I do know that my intention is to refocus it around singular things rather than endless recapping. It’s what it started out as and I’m hoping to tap back into that energy, to write and respond to whatever pop culture I engage with going forward. Hopefully there’ll be less of a wait between issues this time around too, though that’s what I always say isn’t it?
Anyway-
an unranked twenty from 2020:
Trey Edward Shults’ Waves and Its Accompanying Soundtrack:
Waves was the only time I went to the movies by myself last year; I had a day off in January and I took advantage of those middle-of-the-day screenings which are (in my town at least) so often empty. At the time, the film felt full of flaws, its narrative swerving sharply into cliched territory I wasn’t especially psyched on but it’s stayed with me in a way I didn’t expect and can’t entirely explain (the Lucas Hedges/dad storyline in particular loiters in the annals of my brain). I’ve come back to this playlist of the soundtrack again and again, a selection of songs which aligns with so many of my musical interests.
The Lives of Others and Berlin:
On paper, Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s Oscar-winning drama The Lives of Others ticks all of my cinematic boxes but despite this, I only saw it for the first time a few weeks before we visited Berlin last February. After a little research, we spent an afternoon wandering around parts of the city used in the film, many of which we found were in the neighbourhood we always stay in. That break in Berlin felt significant, not only because it ended up being the last time we left the country, but because it feels like one of the final times we did anything without worrying about covid (remember what that was like??)
The 2020 Oscar Season
By now, last year’s awards season seems like ancient history but sometimes it’s nice to remember the way Bong Joon-Ho’s Parasite swept the board and proved to us that sometimes the Academy can get things right. Remember this? That was nice.
The Great Simulwatch of 2020: True Blood, Hannibal, Lost
The communal aspect of consuming film and TV wasn’t really something I’d given a huge amount of credence to but I suppose it’s only when you can’t do things that you suddenly begin to interrogate their importance. In the absence of being able to PHYSICALLY OCCUPY THE SAME SPACE AS ONE ANOTHER and in the depths of deep despair one evening in April, Steph and I decided to throw caution to the wind and rewatch all of Alan Ball’s HBO vampire drama True Blood from the beginning, one episode every night. We managed to get through seven seasons in ninety-seven days, integrating it into our routines as a welcome and needed distraction; I’m sure there’s something in here about knowing what’s going to happen and having some control during a globally chaotic time (I never thought’d I’d lean so heavily into the fate of Sookie Stackhouse). After that, we covered the three seasons of Hannibal starring Mads Mikkelsen, and we’re currently four seasons into our (potentially questionable) reacquaintance with Lost (all the Dharma quarantine stuff hits differently during a pandemic). This isn’t revolutionary and I know plenty of people who’ve watched films and TV remotely whilst sounding off in a group chat, but it has brought joy and has- for the time being anyway- bridged the gap of being able to watch something in person with my best friend.
Beastie Boys
The forever burning fire that is my infatuation with Beastie Boys was stoked further with the April release of their Spike Jonze directed documentary on Apple TV+. A recording of the stage show they toured around the release of their book, I obviously adored this; I consumed as much of the accompanying press tour as possible (I’m fairly certain they appeared on every podcast under the sun), took great pleasure in playing every single one of their records into the ground and I also found time to finally finish their mammoth autobiography and obsess over the audiobook version (read by Adam Horovitz and Michael Diamond themselves, plus a band of their famous friends). Nobody asked, but here’s a playlist of my favourite Beastie songs.
Go Ahead in the Rain and A Tribe Called Quest
I also spent a lot of time last year overplaying another of my favourites: A Tribe Called Quest, and- taking inspiration from this pivot- I finally got round to reading Hanif Abdurraqib’s Go Ahead in the Rain. A chronological recap of the band’s releases between 1990-2016, Hanif considers the band’s cultural legacy through the lens of his own life growing up in Ohio. Your mileage on this may vary depending on how invested you are in the history of ATCQ but I thought it was a delight, showcasing just what a phenomenal writer Hanif Abdurraqib is.
Normal People, Paul Mescal, Connell’s Chain.
Paul Mescal looks like a boy who’d have been extremely horrible to me in high school. You know the type. Despite my general skepticism about his casting in BBC/Hulu’s adaptation of Normal People, I too fell under the Connell spell (with or without the chain, I’m generally not fussy). Fans of both director and author, I had been greatly anticipating Lenny Abrahamson's take on Sally Rooney’s novel and it didn’t let me down, breaking my heart into a thousand pieces and not just because of a particular pointed use of ‘Angeles’ by Elliott Smith.
Da 5 Bloods, Chadwick Boseman, Marvin Gaye.
For whatever reason, I gravitate toward Vietnam War-centric pop culture, so I was really looking forward to Da 5 Bloods: the story of four African-American veterans who return to Vietnam to seek out the remains of their fallen squad leader and the gold fortune he helped them hide. The film was released in June; almost three months later, it would be announced that Chadwick Boseman had passed away as a result of colon cancer, something he’d been privately suffering with for a number of years, time which overlapped with the filming of many key projects (including this). His performance in Da 5 Bloods is quite a parting gift, holding his own alongside many long-time Spike Lee collaborators (most notably for me, Delroy Lindo), and if you haven’t watched the film, I implore you to do so; like many of the director’s films, it’s accompanied by a stellar score (from frequent collaborator Terence Blanchard) and an incredible soundtrack, a significant amount of which comes from Marvin Gaye’s iconic 1971 What’s Going On, an album I subsequently had on rotation for weeks after the film’s release.
Succession
What can I say that I haven’t already shared with anyone living within a fifty-mile radius of my current location? Is it my favourite show of the last five years? Who can say! Do I regularly compile a mental ranking of the Roy family from best to worst? I will never tell!! Deciding to rewatch seasons one and two was one of the better ideas I’ve had and if you’ve yet to acquaint yourself with the Roy family dynasty then please do so as a matter of urgency (and then follow this twitter account and tell me who your favourite is (Roman)).
New Girl
I never need an excuse to bask in the glory of Nick Miller but my god, has it been good to revisit this show in full from the beginning. Yes, some of it hasn’t aged well at all (everything about Schmidt’s college days and former body size stinks) but for me, the pros outweigh the cons, and I’m really enjoying reminding myself of all the reasons I fell in love with it the first time around. I’m charting my journey via this thread; you’re welcome!
Real Life by Brandon Taylor
The book’s synopsis is as follows: Wallace is a biochemistry student, studying a college in the midwest. He has a circle of friends, but considers himself an outsider; different, and always on the periphery, academically and socially. It was inevitable, really, that I would adore this and though I approached it with extreme trepidation (scared it wouldn't live up to my expectations), it's now embarrassing to look back at my copy and see how many page corners I've bent and sentences I've underlined. Just wonderful, wonderful writing which really made my heart hurt at times.
Betty, Skate Kitchen
I myself I do not skate; I have tried to do so on many occasions but to this point I have not successfully spent any time on a skateboard. And yet: after watching Betty, I was still desperate to try it out once again. The first season of the HBO show has a brief 6-episode arc which focuses on a group of young female skaters in New York City, the majority of whom also appeared in showrunner Crystal Moselle’s 2018 film Skate Kitchen. Both Betty and Skate Kitchen made me miss NYC in summer, reminding me of a trip I made to the city with friends when I was 20; it was hot, we had very little money, and most of our time was spent walking, talking, loitering, eating ice pops in parks. A lot of things made me long for the banality of just wandering without purpose with people I love, but this show in particular made me miss the freedom of being able to do nothing by choice.
The Virtual London Film Festival
For the first time, we gained press accreditation to cover LFF for the podcast, and I was fortunate enough to watch twenty one films across two weeks. Many of these still don’t have formal release dates in the UK though I hope they become more widely accessible ASAP because I’d certainly like to discuss with everyone I know some of the “key” watches I saw including Nomadland, Another Round, Kajillionaire, Undine and Possessor.
Fiona Apple, Phoebe Bridgers
Generally speaking, I had little to no time for any new music last year but two records I did obsess over like everyone else were Fiona Apple’s Fetch the Bolt Cutters and Phoebe Bridgers’ Punisher. The former came out in April just weeks after we were plunged into pandemic plot-loss; the latter emerged two months later in June, as we headed into a strange restricted summertime spent largely indoors. It feels reductive to call them “timely” and “much needed” but Fiona’s residual anger and Phoebe’s melancholia mirrored my own emotions perfectly and soundtracked perfectly the strange rollercoaster of 2020.
Talking Heads, John Mulaney & the Sack Lunch Bunch, American Utopia
A holy trinity. David Byrne must be protected at all costs.
Greenlights
I have never felt more like an influencer than when I successfully managed to convince multiple people I know to download the audiobook version of Matthew McConaughey’s autobiography. Listening was a real trip which went above and beyond any loose expectation I had; McConaughey sure knows how to tell a story, his accents and enunciations and overall ability to make even the most boring situation sound cool as fuck. I cannot stop shouting BUMPER STICKER at the top of my lungs.
Riz Ahmed, Mogul Mowgli, The Sound of Metal
I once walked past Riz Ahmed on my way to meet a friend in central london. I didn’t stop to talk to him, to ask for an autograph or an embarrassing selfie. Instead I acknowledged his existence with a smile, waiting until he was gone before texting twenty of my friends to confirm that he’s just as handsome in real life as we had all speculated.
Mogul Mowgli and The Sound of Metal, both showcase Riz’s talents as an actor and as a musician. The latter was one of the best films I watched last year, hitting far too close to home as someone who is continually fearful for the hearing of their partner (also a drummer). Whoever dressed him in a Youth of Today hoodie needs to send me compensation, immediately.
Ryan Thomas Gosling
My favourite boyfriend turned forty(!) in November and I used this as an excuse to revisit most of his filmography in a very intense two week period. The personal highs (Half Nelson! La La Land!), the lows (Gangster Squad is a real ride), the down-right iconic (has anyone looked cooler in a satin bomber jacket? Drive suggests: no!). I’m hoping sometime soon that scientists will be able to synthesise the feeling I get when baby goose screams in a film, a high no drug could ever achieve.
TENET
I actually really hated this, but I just wanted an excuse to remind everyone that the film is almost three hours of this.
Jake Gyllenhaal & the Handstand Challenge
How can something feel so personal?
If you scrolled this far: congratulations! Thanks for reading. If you’re inspired to visit any of the things I’ve listed or have any thoughts yourself about anything I’ve included, then please let me know. I love to discuss!!!!
- a.